Ms. Aria

Adult Disciplinarian

Finding a Disciplinarian...

Okay, so you've either recently realized or have known for a long time that discipline is something you need (or at least need to try.) Now what? If you're lucky enough to have a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, or friend who understands what you're talking about & is willing to act as your disciplinarian, problem solved!

For most people, it isn't that easy. Either your husband or wife is uncomfortable with the role or can't quite see it as anything other than kinky foreplay, or you wouldn't feel comfortable about approaching someone you know, or you don't know anyone you would trust to handle the situation the right way... That's why people like me are out here.

Finding a disciplinarian is not always a simple thing. For one thing, spanking therapy is not (yet) a widely recognized practice. For another, often the only people you can find who offer spankings are either professional dominatrices or men with spanking fetishes who will be only too glad to accomodate young women under the guise of providing therapy.

Dommes who work out of a dungeon setting might be experts at spanking & paddling, but if you're simply looking for a genuine accountability spanking, or just don't want the whole leather & chains environment, that might not be a comfortable option. Which leads to the spanking websites...

Most of the ads you've seen offering free spankings were probably posted by men. I know it must really reaffirm your faith in humanity to find so many altruistic guys out there who want to help you, a total stranger, purely out of the goodness of their hearts. The fact that many of these men only offer their altruistic services to young women with certain physical characteristics should raise a red flag, as well. 

How many psychologists, physical therapists, & dentists do you know of who see their patients for free -- but only if their patients are attractive females? 

Now, if you're looking for the other kind of spanking -- sexual, rather than therapeutic -- that's entirely different, & you should have no problem finding someone with whom to play & swap fetishes. But finding someone who has no private agenda of their own & will deal with discipline strictly as therapy is much harder to find.

I consider it important to provide women with a female disciplinarian to work with, eliminating the risk of meeting with a male "therapist" who might a) have his own sexual agenda, b) not be safe once you are alone with him & in a vulnerable position, & c) make your husband or boyfriend uncomfortable (perhaps justifiably) with the whole situation.

I apologize to all the legitimate, honest male disciplinarians out there -- yes, there are many of you, I know, & I don't mean to imply that all male spankers are untrustworthy; I know of several & have heard secondhand of many, many more who are exactly who & what they claim to be. Unfortunately, there are also many fakes & players. Take it up with them if you have a problem with my attitude...

Until 2010, I worked exclusively with women & couples. However, after turning down several men who seemed genuinely sincere in their search for a female disciplinarian & were finding only leather-clad Mistresses, I started accepting men as clients.